"Her husband and her brother seem to have very similar personalities, yet she gets along well with her husband, but not at all with her brother. Why?"

"Dear Vicki: My sister and I have been pretty close most of our lives. But we’ve taken very different paths. I went to college, then accepted a managerial position with a local bank. Genni worked as a nurse’s aide, which she loved. Several years ago, Genni married an accountant named John and it’s been a good marriage for her. Early on I realized that my brother-in-law was a controlling, opinionated person and have dealt with that for Genni’s sake. However, almost a year ago, John’s mother (another very opinionated person) became quite ill and moved in with Genni and John. Since then, Genni has really changed."

"I’m having trouble with my brother-in-law, Tom, and I hope you can help me understand why. He’s a loud, joking, frustrating kind of guy who is always “on,” no matter what is happening. Honestly, I don’t know how my sister stands it. Tom is never quiet and it’s absolutely exhausting to be around him. I actually enjoyed it when things were locked down due to Covid because I had limited connection with Tom. But now that things are opening up, he’s back in my life and I hate it. But my sister loves him, so I need to do something."

"To honor the anniversary of America’s declared intent to be an independent nation based on democratic principles, I would like to share a brief summary of how important each elemental personality was to the creation of America. Enjoy!"

"Sugar cravings sit in the Earth element of the Five Elements model. That’s where our grounding sits, too. With all that’s going on these days, it’s easy to feel stressed and ungrounded. For people with a lot of Earth energy, a little bit of sugar can sometimes help. But remember, too much sugar is never a good thing! It’s bad for us physically and can also heighten our panic response."

"Five years ago, in a fit of spontaneity, Dale and I started a business. It has been very stressful trying to grow it to profitability, especially during the past two years. There’s been lots of fighting, arguing, and aloneness, but not much making up. And definitely no fun or laughter. Dale used to tell jokes and laugh all the time, but now he has gone crazy with rules, schedules, and the right way to do everything. He works all the time and never wants to focus on us. It feels like the business is all that matters to him now."

"Dear Vicki: Since things started opening back up after the pandemic, I don’t really like the world out there. I’m an artist who is on one of the lucky ones – I’ve been able to manifest a successful career by hustling to sell my work. But now that I’m out and about, things feel so harsh. Everywhere I go, I encounter controlling, pushy people telling me what I have to do or even how I should think or act. I’m exhausted, and there are days I either want to hide under the covers or scream at people out of frustration. What’s wrong with me? And can I please change the world around me? Signed: Angry in Arlington"

"Here’s another up-close comparison across the five primary elemental personalities. This time we’re looking at how each of the elemental personalities relates to structure and boundaries in their lives. Trust me, you can learn a whole lot about a person based on how structured they are (or are not)!"

Today we offer another opportunity for you to get to know yourself better, or at least better understand your elemental personality. As I mentioned last week, we each have all of the Five Elements in our personality make-up, but we have a special affinity for one of them. I suggested that this elemental affinity can be likened to a primary lens through which we view the world. Our primary lens affects how we interpret and respond to everything that happens in our environment. What we love, who we love, what we hate, what is easy, what is hard, you name it. The reality is that this lens, which I call our primary elemental personality, determines more than we realize regarding how we live our life.

There’s so much going on in the world today, and much of it I find upsetting. At a personal level, things aren’t all that great, either. Not surprisingly, I’m having trouble falling asleep at night, which really frustrates me. I don’t want to take lots of pills, but is there anything I can try?

My husband and I divorced thirty years ago. We never had children, which was fine with me since I spent almost every hour of the day building my medical practice. Apparently, it wasn’t fine with Jim because he remarried within a year of our divorce, opened a restaurant, and immediately had two children with his new wife. Our paths rarely crossed, but in the little spare time I had, I did think of him a lot. Now, thirty years later, he is a widower and manages the restaurant he has owned for decades. I am retired and wonder if there is a chance we might try again.

I have to admit I smiled when I read your letter. Doing laundry can often bring out the best or the worst in most of us depending on our elemental personality. Earth people usually enjoy doing laundry because it allows them to focus on improving something about their home (clean clothes are a definite improvement!). Wood personalities usually find it a chore that has to be done to get on to something else (“the only way out is through”). Fire and Water people usually end up doing laundry only when they run out of clean clothes because they’ve either been busy with friends (Fires) or lost in a book or creative project (Waters). And Metal people usually do laundry regularly on a specific day and time and take special care in how that laundry is done. That’s because Metal people believe there is a right way to do everything. And I think this is the root of your laundry woes, but it is definitely fixable!

"I have been happily married for a long time to a guy I love dearly. He is retired now from his position as a researcher, which he excelled at because he always came up with the most imaginative ways to approach whatever he was working on. But since retiring, he seems stuck and unable to act on many of the “new” ideas he has for himself. He is initially very enthusiastic about a particular topic, but doesn’t seem able to follow through, so quickly loses interest and moves on to the next idea that attracts him. He is very intelligent, but seems to fear not being able to do things perfectly enough to share with the world. I have been a stay-at-home mom most of my adult life, although I always do part time accounting work during tax season. I want to help him, but am not sure what to do."

Dear Vicki: After a year of working from home, more and more of my friends are getting together, going to movies, eating indoors at restaurants, etc. I haven’t joined them at all, not even to get together outside. Rationally, I know it’s pretty safe if everyone is outside at least six feet away, but the thought of being with people other than my family makes me nervous, even anxious. I miss my friends and want to join them for outdoor events, so what can I do?

This week we’re going to discuss how we relate to those temporary environments we might find ourselves in like stores, doctor’s offices, friend’s houses, and even in the not-too-distant future, places like restaurants, movie theatres, and hotels as we open up from the pandemic. And while some of the same issues we’ve covered in our previous three posts will definitely be relevant, the most important aspect of the temporary environment is that we usually have almost no control regarding what we encounter there.

This week we’re going to discuss how we relate to our work environment, whether we’re working in or out of the home. And while some of the same issues that we covered in discussing our home environment will also be important in our work environment, there are other issues – like who is in our work environment with us – that will also matter a lot.

Many of us share our home with family. Others live in our home alone. But however many of us are in our home, it is a solid fact that the colors we use in our home, the stuff we put in our home, and the way we put that stuff in our home will affect our elemental personalities.

Just like the energy between two people will impact how they feel about themselves and each other, the energy interaction between you and your environment will impact not only how you feel, but how well you think, play, and even love.

In a recent discussion with several friends, the question came up of how best to get along with the people you are staying home with 24/7.

“My mother passed away last year and the task of cleaning out her things has fallen to me. I am sorting through dozens of boxes and I have a question about my mother’s relationship with herself. I think she must have been a mix of the Water and Earth personalities. However, as she aged, she became much angrier and more frustrated, which I think is the Wood personality. Is it possible that someone can have a bad temper or other Wood traits when their primary nature isn’t Wood?”