“My sister Cate used to be a pretty trusting, optimistic person. I love my sister but have noticed over the years that she seems more likely to assume the worst in a given situation, rather than the best. She doesn’t trust anyone or anything anymore (except her six cats) and appears really frightened about what’s going on in the world these days. Is there any way I can help her return to some version of her trusting, optimistic self?”

“My husband and I have been married 15 years and worked in academia for much of that time. Several years ago, Simon pursued his dream of going to med school and I kept working to support both of us. After completing his degree, he opened a successful practice. I no longer want to deal with the politics of academia, and do something more artistic. I expected Simon to be as encouraging regarding my potential change as I was of his, but he’s not. He suggests that I probably won’t be successful, that there are more talented people around, and that I should consider becoming his receptionist”

“Max and I have been close friends since childhood. Growing up, Max was a quiet, go with the flow kind of guy and I was a quiet, go with the flow kind of girl. But during college, Max really started to change. I wondered what was going on, but he never mentioned any problems at school, so I never asked. These days, his easy-going nature is completely gone and he’s become very precise and rigid. What happened to my old Max?”

“I’m writing because I’m concerned about my younger sister, Tina. She’s a junior in high school and is a quiet, disciplined, studious student. The problem is that our mother isn’t a normal mother – she’s an outgoing, fun-loving, partying lady! What concerns me is that Mom thinks Tina is letting life pass her by, so is encouraging her to attend parties where alcohol is served, go out with wild guys, all in the name of having fun. How can I help Tina not make a terrible mistake?’

“I’m wondering if the individual elements that make up my own elemental personality create “relationships” among themselves that nurture or control. I’m a determined (and some might say forceful) person. I also wanted things to be fair, so I often defended my mom against my dad when she couldn’t defend herself. I’m a serious gardener and manage a bakery, which I think means I have Earth as a primary elemental personality. But I don’t feel very Earthy around people. I never did growing up, but I want to now. Could something in my personality be affecting this?”

“I’m writing because my husband and I have run out of ways to help motivate our son James. He has lots of ideas, but rarely puts anything into action. It’s like he gets stuck at the starting point and can’t get going. We had him tested and while the results came back in the normal range, we still need to make lists for him regarding what needs to get done each day. Fortunately, he’s an only child so we do have the time to focus on him. What will it take to help James accomplish things and succeed?”

“My brother Joe is in his early forties and works as a cook, which is just his “day job.” His passion is music and playing guitar. About a year ago, Joe met a woman who runs a nursing home. Carol is close to his age, kind and caring, but also very exacting in how she approaches things. Since Joe moved in with Carol, he has changed in very positive ways. He’s less scattered, more organized, and even thinking about going back to college. I’m wondering if there is anything we can do to help Joe in his relationship with Carol. She is so good for him.”

“My husband of two years is a sensitive, creative, artistic man. When not involved in a creative endeavor, he can usually be found at a coffee shop with friends discussing some profound topic. The problem I’m having with Bart is his inability to stay focused long enough to finish projects and promote them. I have tried to help Bart get his act together, but as you can imagine, my trying to structure him doesn't go over well.”

“At a family reunion last spring, my sister Leah and I decided we’d go see the fall foliage in New England this year. We thought this would be a fun thing to do together. Well, it isn’t turning out to be that fun. At least the planning stage. Leah doesn’t even want to plan! She just wants to get in the car and start driving. Every time I call her to discuss the trip, she says that part of the adventure is discovering what’s out there and we’ll take it as it comes.”

“I’m very worried about my daughter and hope you can help. Karen is an attorney in her late 20s who is married to another attorney named Tom. Given she’s in corporate law and he’s a trial attorney, the only time they seem to spend together is when they work from home on the weekends. They live in an absolutely sterile apartment and eat take-out most nights. What can I do to help these two get a life outside of work?”

“As a grief counsellor, I am interested in how each of the elemental personalities processes and deals with grief. Also, are there specific pitfalls for each of the elemental personalities as they grieve? Something that typically blocks their ability to process grief in a healthy way.”

“The Fourth of July is coming up and it’s turning into a real challenge. My daughter Joni wants to have a huge picnic and shoot off fireworks after dark. Stella, my twelve-year-old, hates noise and crowds so wants a quiet family gathering. My husband, thinks taking the whole family camping in the wilderness would solve the problem. But I’m the one everyone looks to for organizing and cooking on a camping trip, and it doesn’t sound like fun to me.”

“I’m a bit confused by three girlfriends who each took a quiz to help them determine their elemental personality and all three came out as predominantly Fire personalities. I find that hard to believe because they are all calm, sensible, considerate, reliable people who tend to keep their inner thoughts to themselves. I can’t understand how these three women scored so high for a Fire personality. Can you explain this?”

“I work full time as a corporate accountant, have a houseful of teenagers, a busy husband, and now my widowed mother has moved in with us. On the surface it’s going well, but deep inside I feel a great deal of resentment toward her. She was not a good mother when I was growing up. I never felt mothered by her, but now she is expecting me to mother her. I’m having a lot of trouble with that.”

Dear Vicki: When my mother passed away 10 years ago, my father chose to keep the family house and has done just fine living there alone. At least until now. Recently, he’s become a bitter, hopeless, and rather narcissistic old man, which is so not like my father.

“I am writing regarding a family problem in the wake of my mother’s passing one year ago. Mary, my mom’s younger sister, was incredibly close to mom and often acted like she resented that mom had three children and a husband to attend to. Since mom died, Mary seems to think she has to play the role of our mom now. None of us really enjoy Mary. Do you have any suggestions for how we can get on better with her?”

Dear Readers: Today we offer yet another opportunity to better understand yourself and the people in your life. Or at least a chance to better understand your elemental personalities. As I have mentioned here numerous times, at a very deep level the energy of the Five Elements (Water, Wood, Fire, Earth, and Metal) helps shape our personalities.

Dear Vicki: My husband of 15 years and I divorced two years ago. It was his choice and very difficult for me; I crawled into a hole for quite some time. Recently, I’ve started dating a nice fellow I’ll call Tom, but I’m having trouble figuring him out.

Dear Readers: Today we offer another opportunity for you to get to know yourself better, or at least get to know your elemental personality better. As I mentioned last month, we each have all of the Five Elements in our personality make-up, but there is one of them for which we have a special affinity.

Dear Vicki: This may be an odd question, but I’m hoping you can help. My teenage daughter, Sam, is very creative and loves to design things like clothing, pottery, and even scenery for our local theater.