“After a long illness, my father passed away this summer and our small family held a simple, private funeral for him. My fiance, Shelley, attended with me and all was well. Recently, my father’s brother has decided to stage an extensive memorial service for my father in January. My uncle is very conservative and Mom has asked that Shelley not attend. Apparently, my parents never mentioned to Dad’s family that I’m gay. How should I handle this?”

“My brother Joe is in his early forties and works as a cook, which is just his “day job.” His passion is music and playing guitar. About a year ago, Joe met a woman who runs a nursing home. Carol is close to his age, kind and caring, but also very exacting in how she approaches things. Since Joe moved in with Carol, he has changed in very positive ways. He’s less scattered, more organized, and even thinking about going back to college. I’m wondering if there is anything we can do to help Joe in his relationship with Carol. She is so good for him.”

“I am writing about my father; we’ll call him Greg. He’s is a great father, just not very warm and fuzzy. He’s been in business, specifically marketing, for most of his career, and changed jobs two years ago to head up a national marketing and sales force. He’s had three administrative assistants during those two years. The third quit last week and now he’s complaining that he can’t find good help. Is there anything I can say to him that will help him find and keep a good administrative assistant?”

“Abby, my close friend and business partner, has been acting very strange lately. Our business is stalling right now because Abby hasn’t been very organized or powerful lately. She’s been low-key, distant, and sort of stuck in the past. When I ask her what’s going on, she denies that anything is wrong. As her business partner, I feel it is my responsibility to let Abby know we need her to snap out of it. What can I do to help Abby get back in the saddle?”

“I have been an elementary school principal for decades and love my work. Last year, I started at a new school and one of the teachers there was a real challenge to manage. She agrees to attend meetings, then doesn’t show up. Or if she does show, she’s kidding around so much we can’t get down to business. The students all love her and think she’s fun, but they don’t have to manage her. I do like her and want to do right by her, but I’m having a hard time keeping her in line.”

“I’m writing because I had the great misfortune to fall in love with a wonderfully funny and outgoing guy. It’s been a whirlwind of activity, which is so not me. All of my well-ordered ways seem to have gone out the window since Tad’s been in my life. And while part of me finds this exciting, another part is afraid that I’m losing who I am.”

“I have two teenage sons who lately seem to be at each other’s throats. Jack can come off like a know-it-all but, in his defense, he is very smart. Timmy doesn’t like Jack correcting him or telling him what to do, but he’s still young enough to make poor choices. I think Jack is just trying to help him, but when he does, Timmy really blows up. I’m concerned because since we moved to a new city, they seem to be fighting more and more.”

“I’m very worried about my daughter and hope you can help. Karen is an attorney in her late 20s who is married to another attorney named Tom. Given she’s in corporate law and he’s a trial attorney, the only time they seem to spend together is when they work from home on the weekends. They live in an absolutely sterile apartment and eat take-out most nights. What can I do to help these two get a life outside of work?”

“As a grief counsellor, I am interested in how each of the elemental personalities processes and deals with grief. Also, are there specific pitfalls for each of the elemental personalities as they grieve? Something that typically blocks their ability to process grief in a healthy way.”

“My brother Ted is having trouble with a co-worker who appears very hostile toward him. They work with a group of people in an accounting firm where no one has private offices. Ted takes his job very seriously, but he also likes to socialize with his co-workers. The problem is that whenever he talks to anyone, this particular co-worker gets furious that he’s making noise. Do you have any suggestions?”

“A few weeks ago, my husband James and I arranged childcare for our three children so we could enjoy a romantic dinner out. While we were holding hands in our romantic booth, my cell rang. Worried it might be the babysitter, I checked the number and saw that it was a coworker. Thinking something might be wrong, I picked up the call. This didn’t go over well with James. He said this was our personal time and I should have ignored the call once I knew it wasn’t the sitter. Who’s right?”

“I’m a bit confused by three girlfriends who each took a quiz to help them determine their elemental personality and all three came out as predominantly Fire personalities. I find that hard to believe because they are all calm, sensible, considerate, reliable people who tend to keep their inner thoughts to themselves. I can’t understand how these three women scored so high for a Fire personality. Can you explain this?”

“I work full time as a corporate accountant, have a houseful of teenagers, a busy husband, and now my widowed mother has moved in with us. On the surface it’s going well, but deep inside I feel a great deal of resentment toward her. She was not a good mother when I was growing up. I never felt mothered by her, but now she is expecting me to mother her. I’m having a lot of trouble with that.”

Dear Vicki: I’m writing about a problem I’m having with my husband, Scott. He’s an elementary teacher and a truly loving husband and father. As an attorney, I often work long hours and he is always there to take care of our children, and me. He’s perfect in so many ways, but he does have one trait that concerns me and I’m hoping you can help me understand why he does what he does.

Dear Vicki: When my mother passed away 10 years ago, my father chose to keep the family house and has done just fine living there alone. At least until now. Recently, he’s become a bitter, hopeless, and rather narcissistic old man, which is so not like my father.

Dear Vicki: Brad and I met our senior year at college and have been friends for over 5 years now. We both found jobs in LA after college where I love working as a station chef for a well-known restaurant and he’s in computers. It’s never been romantic between us; we just have fun hanging out and are there for each other in tough times.

Dear Vicki: My sister recently shared something that has me really upset. After less than a year of marriage, her daughter and new son-in-law are having marital troubles. Betsy is a nurse, Stuart is an architect, and the problem is that Stuart has very little tolerance for clutter around the house.

“I’m live by myself in Manhattan. My mother recently informed me that my cousin will be moving here. Mom asked if I would help James find a place, get settled, and meet people. I understand he is family but I’ve never really liked James. He always seemed like a wild, pushy kind of guy. Do you have any recommendations on what I can do to stand him for however long it takes to get him settled?”

“I am writing regarding a family problem in the wake of my mother’s passing one year ago. Mary, my mom’s younger sister, was incredibly close to mom and often acted like she resented that mom had three children and a husband to attend to. Since mom died, Mary seems to think she has to play the role of our mom now. None of us really enjoy Mary. Do you have any suggestions for how we can get on better with her?”