“Cal and I met when we were in law school. He was smart, funny, and very outgoing. I was more serious but somehow, we clicked. We married right out of law school and life was fast-paced and passionate.... Two years ago, things changed. He worked longer hours, played harder, and has been around less and less. And when he is home, we fight and there’s no passion left. I finally confronted him last month and he admitted that there’s someone else who, as he puts it, is more fun than I am. I still love him and want Alma to have a full-time father.”

“I’m having an issue with my husband of three years. Jax is a wise and kind guy who’s really into things being done the ‘right’ way. When he’s stressed, he can get pretty dismissive, but other than that we usually get along really well. Recently, though, we had a significant argument about the upcoming elections. I can’t believe what’s happening in our country and am terribly concerned. Jax just shrugs and tells me not to worry. ... What can I do to convince him that he needs to care more?”

“I’m having trouble with a neighbor who keeps using our outdoor pool without being invited. Other than the social distancing thing, her five children splash water all over, run around the pool when we’ve told them to walk, and generally don’t follow the rules. We are already stressed and having rude neighbors here ruins things for my family. I want to do the right thing, but also don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or create a difficult relationship with the people next door.”

“My husband Roland is a truly kind person, but he has a deep appreciation for structure and doing things the “right” way. Since the pandemic hit, Roland has become judgmental, overly critical, and even somewhat sloppy. His art gallery has reopened, and sales are picking up, but Roland isn’t getting back to his usual self. I’ve tried to support him by bringing cookies and his favorite lunches to the gallery but nothing seems to work. Help!”

“I’m the mom of two small children and having them home so much lately has given me an opportunity to observe more closely the ways they act with other family members. Are children’s elemental personalities already fixed in place when they are 4 years old and 7 years old?”

“Family is very, very important to me, but I am having trouble with two cousins who appear to have an overwhelming need to control my life. They strongly suggest that I do things the way they do, according to what they think is right. I have friends that seem to act this way toward me, too. When I haven’t done what they suggest, it has caused family rifts and the breakup of friendships. The pushy people in my life also don’t seem to feel the need to apologize for their actions, so it’s often up to me to make the first move, which doesn’t feel right. What can I do?”

“For the first time in almost 35 years of marriage, my husband and I are having trouble. If I look back at when things changed, it was probably five years ago when my brother died and I had hip replacement surgery. Instead of the fun-loving, happy homemaker I had been, I became a warrior determined to come back better than ever. Initially, Brad was very supportive and encouraging, but not anymore. Once I recovered, I found that I actually liked being more assertive, even if it meant I was often angry or frustrated. But apparently Brad doesn’t like it. He’s been uncharacteristically opinionated and cruel, is working longer hours, and generally seems to be pulling away.”

“Our daughter divorced last year and when the pandemic started, she moved back home with her two-year-old son. Since they’ve been with us, Weston has really changed. I thought this would be a great time for our family with Stacy managing her IT team from here and Weston’s promotion. But my previously optimistic, go with the flow husband has become a gloomy cynic who ignores Stacy, picks on Jimmy, and eats potato chips like there’s no tomorrow.”

“My sister started a business a few years ago helping people de-clutter their homes. As a stay at home mom with older children and time on my hands, I started helping out by answering phones and filing. At first it was fun working together, but recently it seems that nothing I do is good enough for Shelley. It’s really put pressure on our relationship. We’re about to re-open after the pandemic and I’m wondering if I should just quit. But her business has really grown and she needs the help. Plus, she’s my sister; I can’t just walk away. What should I do?”

“A dear friend of the family passed away almost three months ago. She was like an elderly aunt to me and my older sister Ruthie, and it has been hard for me to lose her. I’ve reached out to Ruthie to talk about it, but she apparently doesn’t want to. In hindsight, I can see that Ruthie never really wanted to talk about her feelings. We had a difficult relationship growing up and as we grew, I learned to hide it when I had strong opinions about something or really wanted to do something Ruthie didn’t. Now, I want to talk about Fran, but Ruthie will have none of it.”

“I have 14-year-old twins who are as different as night and day. With sheltering in place, the four of us are spending almost every waking moment together in our small house. It’s not going well. Tammy thinks Ted is a downer and Ted thinks Tammy lacks substance. My husband thinks they’re both spoiled brats that I clearly failed to raise well as a stay-at-home mom. Do you have any advice for a mom trying desperately to hold her family together during a pandemic?”

“Having everyone at home all of the time is driving me crazy. I’m impatient, cranky, and overwhelmed. I’d love some help, but my husband’s job is more intense than mine, so I haven’t asked him. This means homeschooling our 10-year-old falls to me. I wish we could all go to our separate rooms and get work done, but Sammy wants to help me with all the meals, but she just makes it harder to get things done the right way. My normal perfection is out the window! What can I do to get better?”

“I’ve been dating Skip ever since we met at a friend’s party about six months ago and it’s been a blast! He’s funny, outgoing, and really exciting to be with. The problem is that I’m also funny and outgoing, so there are many times when we seem to be competing for the spotlight. We aren’t seeing other people anymore, but do we have a chance of staying together?”

“My sister Cate used to be a pretty trusting, optimistic person. I love my sister but have noticed over the years that she seems more likely to assume the worst in a given situation, rather than the best. She doesn’t trust anyone or anything anymore (except her six cats) and appears really frightened about what’s going on in the world these days. Is there any way I can help her return to some version of her trusting, optimistic self?”

“Almost five years ago, my good friend Lanny and I started a business helping local restaurants get leftover food to homeless people. Lanny did most of the planning and was definitely the energy behind making it happen. I did the analysis and created the process necessary to get the food where it needed to go. Two years ago, my son became seriously ill. I had to leave our business, but Lanny kept it going. Several months ago, there was an article in our newspaper about the business with a quote from one of the people we had helped together thanking Lanny for all she’d done to make such a difference. She was quoted as thanking him, but she never mentioned me. I don’t understand why she didn’t acknowledge all I’d done to help start and run the business.”

“My husband and I have been married 15 years and worked in academia for much of that time. Several years ago, Simon pursued his dream of going to med school and I kept working to support both of us. After completing his degree, he opened a successful practice. I no longer want to deal with the politics of academia, and do something more artistic. I expected Simon to be as encouraging regarding my potential change as I was of his, but he’s not. He suggests that I probably won’t be successful, that there are more talented people around, and that I should consider becoming his receptionist”

“Max and I have been close friends since childhood. Growing up, Max was a quiet, go with the flow kind of guy and I was a quiet, go with the flow kind of girl. But during college, Max really started to change. I wondered what was going on, but he never mentioned any problems at school, so I never asked. These days, his easy-going nature is completely gone and he’s become very precise and rigid. What happened to my old Max?”

“It’s been a tough year for me in many ways and the whole idea of creating the holidays my family has come to expect overwhelms me. But the minute I decide to cut back on decorating and buying gifts, I feel guilty. And when I mentioned not baking Christmas cookies this year, my kids were shocked and now I’m worried they’ll be too disappointed if I don’t bake. I’m taking care of my own mother and working full time, and I just don't have the energy or joy in me to do the whole holiday thing.”

“I’m wondering if the individual elements that make up my own elemental personality create “relationships” among themselves that nurture or control. I’m a determined (and some might say forceful) person. I also wanted things to be fair, so I often defended my mom against my dad when she couldn’t defend herself. I’m a serious gardener and manage a bakery, which I think means I have Earth as a primary elemental personality. But I don’t feel very Earthy around people. I never did growing up, but I want to now. Could something in my personality be affecting this?”

“After a long illness, my father passed away this summer and our small family held a simple, private funeral for him. My fiance, Shelley, attended with me and all was well. Recently, my father’s brother has decided to stage an extensive memorial service for my father in January. My uncle is very conservative and Mom has asked that Shelley not attend. Apparently, my parents never mentioned to Dad’s family that I’m gay. How should I handle this?”