"My mother passed away last winter, but we waited until this summer so we could have her memorial service and sharing outside. It was a beautiful service, but I was fascinated by the fact that my younger sister Jessica had very different perceptions of my mother than I did. I’m upset that I never had the mom my sister did and now it’s too late."

“My mother passed away last year and the task of cleaning out her things has fallen to me. I am sorting through dozens of boxes and I have a question about my mother’s relationship with herself. I think she must have been a mix of the Water and Earth personalities. However, as she aged, she became much angrier and more frustrated, which I think is the Wood personality. Is it possible that someone can have a bad temper or other Wood traits when their primary nature isn’t Wood?”

“I’m writing because I’m concerned about my younger sister, Tina. She’s a junior in high school and is a quiet, disciplined, studious student. The problem is that our mother isn’t a normal mother – she’s an outgoing, fun-loving, partying lady! What concerns me is that Mom thinks Tina is letting life pass her by, so is encouraging her to attend parties where alcohol is served, go out with wild guys, all in the name of having fun. How can I help Tina not make a terrible mistake?’

“I’m wondering if the individual elements that make up my own elemental personality create “relationships” among themselves that nurture or control. I’m a determined (and some might say forceful) person. I also wanted things to be fair, so I often defended my mom against my dad when she couldn’t defend herself. I’m a serious gardener and manage a bakery, which I think means I have Earth as a primary elemental personality. But I don’t feel very Earthy around people. I never did growing up, but I want to now. Could something in my personality be affecting this?”

“After a long illness, my father passed away this summer and our small family held a simple, private funeral for him. My fiance, Shelley, attended with me and all was well. Recently, my father’s brother has decided to stage an extensive memorial service for my father in January. My uncle is very conservative and Mom has asked that Shelley not attend. Apparently, my parents never mentioned to Dad’s family that I’m gay. How should I handle this?”

“For 48 years, my parents had a happy marriage. They raised three happy children, loved their grandchildren, but always took time for themselves, too. Sadly, my father passed away a year ago and not unexpectedly, my mother has taken it really hard. Since then, she hasn’t been able to find joy in life and seems to have pulled away completely. In many ways it feels like we lost both of them when Dad died.”

“I work full time as a corporate accountant, have a houseful of teenagers, a busy husband, and now my widowed mother has moved in with us. On the surface it’s going well, but deep inside I feel a great deal of resentment toward her. She was not a good mother when I was growing up. I never felt mothered by her, but now she is expecting me to mother her. I’m having a lot of trouble with that.”

Dear Vicki: My mother has always been a strong and loving woman. She is a nurse who managed (and still does) a multi-physician office while my two brothers and I were growing up, but she still had time to bake cookies and help with science projects. When her father died and living alone was too hard on Grammy, Mom moved her in with us. The problem now is that I recently received an amazing offer to teach at a nursing college out of state.